5 Ways to Help a Loved One Who Has Experienced Trauma

If we experience a traumatic event, then so much about our life suddenly changes.  Because trauma changes how we process things.  So if we’ve experienced a traumatic event, that means that our very understanding of how the world works or our understanding of how we see ourselves has suddenly changed.  And that’s a difficult idea to process.

And it’s not only difficult for the person who has experienced the traumatic event.  But it’s also difficult for that person’s loved ones.  

If you have a loved one who has experienced some kind of trauma, here are some ways that you might be able to support them.

1. Listen to them.  

I know that it can be hard to listen and not offer advice or try to change the situation.  But it can be difficult to process a traumatic event and everything around it.  Feeling heard and not judged often means a lot more than taking action.  That’s what helps us feel connected to the people around us.  And it’s common to feel lost and alone if we’ve experienced trauma.  

If you can listen to someone, then you are teaching them that it’s safe to talk to you.  And safety is huge if someone has experienced trauma.

2. Understand that they may not want to talk about what happened.  

Trauma has a lot of avoidance associated with it.  It’s the idea that something scary has happened.  And who wants to talk about that?  Or face it?  Often times the person who has experienced the trauma doesn’t want to face it themselves, in their own mind.  Yet alone talk about it.  And forcing someone to talk about it when they aren’t ready doesn’t help the situation.

3. Encourage them to go to counseling.  But don’t push it.  

This one is a hard balance.  If someone has experienced a traumatic event, then counseling is a good way to process all of that while in a safe place.  So in general, it is good to encourage counseling.  

But sometimes people aren’t ready for that.  So if you push people too hard towards counseling, that may have a negative impact on your relationship with them.

4. Take care of yourself.  

Don’t neglect yourself while trying to take care of someone else, because otherwise you won’t be in a state to actually help anyone.  Make sure that you’re still sleeping, eating, and managing your own emotions.

5. Get counseling for yourself.

There’s no shame in it.  It’s actually part of self-care.  And sometimes it can become a monkey-see, monkey-do situation.

If someone has experienced trauma, their lives become more complicated and difficult.  But the lives of their loved ones can also become more complicated.  And it can be hard to know how to help someone who may not want to talk about what happened.  Or how they feel.  And sometimes how you help is by taking care of yourself.