Is Your Job Your Identity? Exploring Work Identity and Self for The Anxious Millennial

As a therapist working with millennials who experience ADHD and anxiety, I often hear a recurring theme in my conversations: Work isn’t just a job – it’s a defining aspect of who they are. In today’s society, this makes sense. We live in a culture that ties self-worth to productivity, where career achievements often outweigh other aspects of identity.

There’s relentless pressure to find a job that’s both fulfilling and impressive. You’re “supposed” to work in a field you’re passionate about, make a difference, earn a good living, and climb the ladder of success. And when we meet someone new, the first question is almost always, “What do you do?” This seemingly simple query often implies something deeper and much bigger: Who are you?

For those managing anxiety or ADHD, this connection between work and identity can become even more fraught. When your sense of self is deeply entwined with your career, it can heighten perfectionism, fuel stress and anxiety, and intensify overwhelm – things people with ADHD and anxiety already struggle with. So how do you find balance and reclaim a fuller sense of who you are?

In part one of this two-part blog series, we’ll look at how work influences your identity and risks of overidentifying with your career. In part two, I’ll talk about how you can reclaim your identity beyond work. 

How Does Work Influence Your Identity?

As millennials, you’ve likely grown up with messages like, “You can do anything you set your mind to,” and “Find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” These ideals suggest that work should be fulfilling, fun, and deeply meaningful. You learn that work should be a pursuit that defines not just how you make a living but who you are as a person.

With these expectations, it’s no wonder that career decisions feel so weighty for so many of my clients. When you put all your identity eggs in your work basket, it causes strain, especially for those navigating ADHD and anxiety. Below are some common factors that contribute to the ways work can mesh with your sense of self.

Perfectionism
If you’ve grown up equating success with approval, work can become a performance where you try to prove your worth. Perfectionism drives you to overperform, making the lines between what you do and who you are blur.

Escaping Anxiety
Work can offer a structured outlet for managing the racing thoughts that anxiety stirs up, particularly when it’s a double-whammy combo of perfectionism and anxiety. The sense of focus and goals from your job can feel grounding—until it starts to take over all aspects of your life and who you are.

Escaping Trauma
Keeping your life purposely busy is often a trauma response. If you spend your whole life on the go, piling yourself with work and tasks and never giving yourself a breather, then you’ll never have to deal with the whirling and often frightening emotions underneath. While this strategy might help in the short term, it can deepen the connection between your work and your identity as you increasingly rely on it to keep uncomfortable feelings at bay.

People-Pleasing
If you deeply fear disappointing others, work can become a space where you constantly overinvest in gaining the approval of others. Pleasing bosses or colleagues can create a feedback loop, reinforcing the idea that your value lies in what you produce. People-pleasing often overlaps with imposter syndrome, making you feel as though every professional interaction has even higher stakes. 

Society’s influence
Our culture reinforces the idea that work is our worth all the time. We’re conditioned from an early age to see things like career achievement and financial gain as ultimate markers of success and comfort. This cultural narrative seeps into everyday language, interactions, and expectations, subtly reinforcing the idea that our value as individuals is tied to what we do for a living. For instance, if you work as a manager and introduce yourself by saying, “I’m a business manager” instead of “I work in ___ field,” you continue to reinforce and internalize the belief that your career defines who you are.

6 Risks of Tying Work Identity and Self

If I were to ask you without judgment, “is your job your identity?” what would your honest answer be? If you’re like many of my clients, you’d probably say yes.

Unfortunately, anchoring your identity to work can have profound emotional and societal consequences. These risks can develop gradually, like the famous frog in the boiling water story. These subtle changes often lead to challenges that affect many areas of life, from increased fatigue to strained relationships. Below are six risks you might find yourself facing when your sense of self becomes too tied to your work.

1. Burnout: Constantly chasing productivity and success can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion (which is already more common among those with neurodivergence), leaving little room for self-care or joy outside of work.
2. Loss of direction: If work becomes your whole sense of self, transitions such as a layoff, industry shift, career change, or even everyday energy level changes can feel catastrophic. Without a broader sense of self, adapting, exploring new opportunities, and giving yourself compassion is harder. Instead, you just feel lost. 
3. Imbalanced relationships: Over-identifying with work can strain relationships, as friends and loved ones can feel sidelined by your career priorities.
4. Overlooking personal needs: If you spend all your time and energy on work, you might neglect other important parts of yourself. Do you have enough time and energy for things like hobbies, personal growth, mental health, creativity, and relationships? If not, this imbalance can make you feel disconnected from yourself and your values. 
5. Emotional vulnerability to work changes: When work defines you, any criticism, setback, or failure at work can feel like a devastating personal attack. A missed deadline or a failed project doesn’t merely feel like a professional challenge – it can spiral into profound feelings of shame and inadequacy.
6. Lack of fulfillment: Work, no matter how rewarding, can’t satisfy every human need. Over time, relying on work to provide a sense of purpose and meaning can lead to feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction, particularly if the job doesn’t align with deeper personal values.

If you relate to any of these things, know you’re not alone. You don’t have to stay stuck in patterns and behaviors that don’t serve you anymore. Stay tuned for the second part of this blog, which will be published next week. 

Ongoing Support For Your Work Identity and Self 

If you’re feeling stuck in the work-as-identity cycle, I’m here to help. Therapy and coaching offers a space to explore these patterns and find a healthier path forward. Together, we can rediscover who you are beyond your job. 

Learn more about my therapy services (including EMDR and talk therapy) if you’re located in Idaho, Iowa, or South Carolina. For all other locations, check out my coaching services. My coaching program offers all the same expertise, tools, and guidance as therapy in a more direct and goal-oriented approach that you can benefit from anywhere. 

‍Reach out today to schedule a complimentary consultation and see if we’re a good fit. Let’s start building a better future together.