5 Ways to Cope With Loneliness As An Adult

If you’re anything like me, finding and maintaining meaningful connections in the world can sometimes feel like a bleak task. According to recent studies, nearly half of American adults struggle with chronic loneliness, a rate that has steadily increased for years. Reasons for our country’s pervasive and growing sense of loneliness vary widely, but the result is the same: many of us feel disconnected and sad on a regular basis. 

As a therapist for anxiety and ADHD, I see this struggle with a lot of my clients. So why is this happening, and how can we feel more tied to our communities and friendships? Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons for loneliness and ways to increase a sense of belonging.

Why Are We So Lonely? 

People are lonely for a variety of reasons, and different people experience loneliness in different ways. It’s an extremely subjective emotion, and its impacts vary based on individual factors like personality, history of trauma, and underlying mental health issues. 

But all of us know what it’s like to feel lonely. And if you feel continually unfulfilled by your relationships, you’re (ironically) not alone. Here are some reasons you might be feeling disconnected:

• Pandemic isolation: The pandemic cut many of our social support networks off overnight. You likely went from going about your daily business and seeing other people on a regular basis to suddenly having access to a very limited number of people— or sometimes none at all. This had far-reaching impacts in both the short and long term.
• Rise of remote work: More people now work by themselves all day and don’t get much meaningful interaction with others. Remote work can be great in many ways, but it also means that you have to be intentional about connecting outside of work hours.
• Lack of meaning in relationships: Even if you have close friendships, sometimes the connections feel hollow. If you don’t feel truly seen in your relationships, or if you crave things like more emotional vulnerability or intellectual connection than you have, it’s easy to feel lonely regardless of how many people surround you.
• Lack of meaning or purpose: Having a sense of purpose or meaning in life can help prevent loneliness and despair. That’s why things like religion and church are so popular – they provide containers for meaning and give you a sense of purpose in your life. But you don’t have to be religious in order to derive meaning from your life. Helping others, finding ways to be part of your community, and doing meaningful work in the world can all give you a sense of fulfillment too. 
• Social media and online overload: Spending time online can leave you feeling more disconnected than connected. The constant comparison, the anxiety of keeping up with everyone’s seemingly perfect lives, a sense of FOMO, and the lack of real-life interaction can all make loneliness worse.

How to Deal with Loneliness as an Adult

I wish I had a magic wand that could cure loneliness. Unfortunately, loneliness is an incredibly complex issue, and there’s no one solution to make it go away. But there are ways to reduce loneliness in adulthood, make more quality friendships, and increase feelings of belonging. Here are 5 places to start:

1. Find Places Where You Can Be Fully Yourself

For people with neurodivergence and anxiety, it can be tough to feel like you belong. It’s all too easy to feel like there’s a wall between you and the world around you. Finding people, places, and situations where you can genuinely be yourself—quirks and all—makes a huge difference. Whether it's a hobby, group, or support network that embraces the unique way you think and express yourself, finding those spaces can bring feelings of peace and belonging into your life.

2. Work on Addressing Underlying Mental Health and Symptoms

Certain symptoms tied to ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence, like emotional regulation difficulties and rejection-sensitive dysphoria, can amplify feelings of loneliness. These experiences can intensify feelings of anxiety and rejection while simultaneously creating a strong desire for closeness. Working through these symptoms can help you feel more confident in your connections and reduce the constant worry that others might judge or misunderstand you.

3. Practice Intentional Socializing

When you’re feeling lonely, the idea of putting yourself out there can be overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be complicated or exhausting. Find low-stakes, low-pressure ways to be around people, like going to a regular coffee shop, joining a book club, or taking a local class. Making the effort to be around people and feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself on a regular basis can slowly build a sense of community.

4. Reflect on Your Needs in Friendships

Ask yourself: Do I feel seen by the people in my life? Do I have space to be myself, or do I feel like I’m constantly performing? Is there something specific missing—like deep conversations, physical closeness, or a shared sense of humor—that’s leaving me feeling unfulfilled? When we understand what we need, we can make intentional choices about where to invest our time and energy, which in turn helps us find people who truly align with us.

5. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself

Building meaningful relationships takes time. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back. There’s no rush, and it’s okay if you don’t find “your people” right away. The more we practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, the more we invite others to see and connect with us as we are. So give yourself permission to take it slow, and remember, it’s okay to feel lonely sometimes—it’s a natural part of being human.

Support For Feeling Lonely As An Adult

If loneliness feels like a constant companion, therapy can help. I’m in your corner to provide guidance on self-discovery and help you manage the symptoms and beliefs that might be standing between you and meaningful connection. Sometimes, it’s just about finding someone who sees you fully and encourages you to show up as yourself. You deserve that.

Learn more about my therapy services (including EMDR and talk therapy) if you’re located in Idaho, Iowa, or South Carolina. For all other locations, check out my coaching services. My coaching program offers all the same expertise, tools, and guidance as therapy in a more direct and goal-oriented approach that you can benefit from anywhere. 

Reach out today to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation. Let’s start building a better future together.