7 Signs You're Staying Busy to Avoid Your Feelings

How many times have you told yourself:

“I’ve got too much going on to handle this, I’ll deal with it later”?

We live in a very busy world that demands a lot from us. Maybe we’re trying to dedicate a lot of time to our work, or our relationships, or our to-do lists that feels like they’re miles long.  

After all, you need to be able to pay your bills!

But sometimes we purposely pile on commitments or keep our scheduled so packed we barely sleep, so that we don’t have to face painful or unpleasant emotions.

In the long run that doesn’t really help us, since those emotions will eventually catch up with us; but in the moment, staying busy feels better than dealing with whatever it is that we’re bottling up.

It’s like taking a bottle of soda and shaking it up, then telling ourselves that because it didn’t explode right that second that it was worth it. But we all know how things will go once that shaken bottle gets opened.

However, there’s good news: it doesn’t have to be this way.

I’m Danielle Wayne, an online therapist for millennials. I help people learn more about their behavior patterns and get to the root of what’s bothering them. I create a safe space for people to process feelings they’ve avoided and find new ways of coping with emotions.

Here, we’ll discuss why keeping busy to avoid depression (or other issues) can be unhealthy. I’ll also touch on the telltale signs that you may be staying busy to avoid feelings.

If you’re ready to discuss your unique experience and are located in Idaho or Iowa, reach out and schedule a free consultation with me. We can talk about what’s going on and determine whether we’ll be a good fit for therapy.

Why is staying busy to avoid depression (or feelings) unhealthy?

At first thought, this can seem counterintuitive. After all, you could be coping with your depression by staying in bed and not getting anything done, right?

That’s true--but it can be just as unhealthy when you stay busy to avoid your feelings.

As a society, we tend to value the idea of staying busy. We’re used to constantly grinding towards our goals, and we view laziness as a character flaw.

Don’t get me wrong--it’s perfectly fine to be ambitious and to have a full life. It’s also okay to have healthy distractions to occupy yourself from time to time.

The problem arises when we intentionally (or even subconsciously) keep ourselves busy because we can’t stand the thought of just being present with our thoughts and feelings.

When people keep compulsively occupied, they leave no time to confront their internal experience. This constant distraction leads to denying our emotions.

While this may be a quick fix to avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, it only makes them more intense over time. Like the soda analogy, the pressure continues to build inside us. We may not burst in the moment, but it’s inevitable that we will eventually.

There is truth to the sentiment that the only way out is through. While keeping busy to avoid depression may feel easier, it won’t help you in the long run. You can only heal your emotions by processing them. In order to process them, you must first acknowledge them--and you can’t do that if you’re constantly distracted.

It can feel very difficult to break the cycle of avoidance. Thankfully, you don’t need to keep living like this.

If you’re still unsure whether you’re staying busy to avoid depression or other feelings, here are some signs that you might be staying busy as a way to avoid your emotions:

1. You’ve always been busy. If you’ve been using distractions like keeping busy as a way to avoid your emotions, then this is most likely a pattern that has been going on for a while. Maybe for as long as you can remember. It might be the only way you know how to cope or deal with things.

2. You’re exhausted. There’s only so much we can do. Humans have limits and if we press those limits our body will start to let us know.  

3 You bring work home with you, stay late at work, or in general get a lot of overtime. If you’re working above and beyond, bringing the work home with you, and making your life all about the work, then that could mean that you’re purposely trying to avoid something else going on in your life.

4. Not taking care of yourself in general. If you’re so busy that you can’t remember the last time you ate, then that could mean you’re throwing yourself into your work so much that you’re not hearing your body’s basic signs like hunger.

5. Your schedule is completely full. If you can’t rearrange your schedule or fit anything else in that could be because you’ve purposely made your schedule that full!

6. Other people comment on how busy you are. Other people can see how busy we are and how much we do. If you hear comments about how busy you are, that could mean something.

7. You find it hard to slow down. If you have a hard time pacing yourself that could be because there’s something you’re avoiding, such as a difficult or painful emotion.

Being busy is an unhealthy way to cope. It feels productive in the moment, but it can harm us in the long run. There’s only so long that we can bottle things up before they explode.

You can change this around by learning to cope in healthier ways and by getting more in touch with your emotions. It may feel strange because it’s new and different, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t healthy.

Break the cycle of keeping busy to avoid your feelings

If you want extra support, I’m here to help. I offer online therapy in Idaho and Iowa and coaching services wherever you’re located for anxious clients who struggle with things like people-pleasing, perfectionism, burnout, overwhelm, and ADHD. ‍

Reach out today and see if we’re a good fit. Let’s start building a better future together.